The Tragedy of Michael Gordon

May 4th, 1960

Today started out quite bland, you know. Moving boxes and getting picked on by my buddies for being the shortest- everything as normal- then suddenly I am in the managers office for "important business", and I don't know what that means!

After a bit of blah from him, he said "Michael, you weren't told were you?"- Of course I wasn't? I have NO bloody clue what half of what he said was supposed to mean! Then, my boss with a weird amount of enthusiasm like the mark he saw me as that I was promoted???

Nice, yes- but why? I'm really not anything special, everyone else in the sales position at least was a model prior to here and the only outstanding thing I have done is help out the rest of deliverymen and take their place with the salespeople when they're sick.

Admittedly I asked, to where the boss put a box on the desk telling me it's full of people who thought I was deserving of being the cracker of the place. It's whatever I guess. I get more money and less hours- I will definitely miss my friends from boxes and boxes hell. Oh well.

May 11th, 1960

Well- I finally got to meet my new partner-in-crime from now on, Robert Wilson. He's a nice lad, says he came from Virginia to try and get that "city life" despite HATING most 'city-folk' things. It's funny to me since I have been in this town since I was a little guy and never really been to a farm, I get to hear all these things about cows and pigs and if I have to be honest? I think it is super interesting!

Another bit of honesty, I think he is a little handsome myself, I'm jealous! I can never live a day not clean shaven and yet he has a nice, smooth beard. Blimey, I think I might be in love! shit I wrote that in pen.
Nevertheless this being my own personal journal I just think he's a nice bod. I think- I don't really know Robert is definitely sweet and so nice- am I swooning over him?

Maybe I should go to bed. I might envious, that's for me in the morning to decide.

July 6th, 1960

I nearly lost this journal! Good grief I'm clumsy.

It's a beautiful night in July, and Robert has been non-stop talking to me about all the new books he started to read- I thought he didn't like reading. What a funny fella.

I do like reading though so maybe I just convinced him. That's amazing! I love to read and I even spent a good chunk on the pay last month on a typewriter! I could really achieve my dreams of being a writer, wouldn't that be amazing?
Definitely daydreaming though- back to Earth, my new "friends" in the sales position have been off one's nut about the fact I am not a coffee drinker- I don't get it; Coffee's bitter and always left my mouth feeling I ate shit for the whole day. I want to try fitting in so maybe trying it up again would be a good idea, just need to get used to it... I guess.

Robert and I have also been hanging out on our days off, it's fun! Feelin' like I'm young again! Even learned that Robert as a twin sister, Catherine. He says she is much more of a corker than he is, and after seeing some photos he took from a family scrapbook I do agree. Also been telling me about all the times he fell off horses, almost lost a hand to a bird, got vomited on by a pig. How he's still alive is an actual miracle.

Page Two

About my last journal entry, the one in May- I can't shake this feeling out of me. Every time Rob gets close or gives me a nice stare I just can't help myself I get butterflies in my stomach! I, for the life of me, are not able to reason with myself that he looks nice, I think he's pretty, I want to spend a nice cool summer evening with him because I am jealous of his build! I feel gobsmacked!

...He wouldn't be against that right? It's still summer.

November 28th, 1960

So after trying to expose myself to coffee and like it more my arse hurts and my wrists shiver. That's really fun.

We got our quarterly reviews and we are the bomb right now. Not at that excited but my peers are happy about it. They are especially excited that I started chugging coffee like the Joe Bloggs here- they told me it would improve my presence in front of customers but I haven't slept in 2 days. I'm tired, it is 21 o'clock for me, probably should be heading to bed.

February 7th, 1961

Me and Robert have been crazy busy and it's only been a month, getting orders every other hour... I swear I could pass out on the streets if I get one more call. Upping my coffee intake ten-fold I'm so stressed! I'm just fucking frustrated, got so much joint pains I can count them easier than I can name them!

"Comes with the job" they say, "You'll get used to it" they said. Even hanging out with Robert is becoming stressful because we're getting pulled in to deliver some stupid damn trinket by the hour!

I hate this job. I would have quit if Robert wasn't visiting me and making everything worth it. He's still making me blush and head over heels with that face of his- so soft and easygoing. This is not jealously anymore, I have no time to figure out what I feel when I see him I just know his existence calms me down instantly. A flick with him would be nice.

Also been waking up in the tender hours of the night due to my bones shaking and spasming! None of my coworkers have this problem- WERE THEY LYING RIGHT TO MY FACE? I AM GOING BARKING MAD OVER HERE.



[The rest of the page is covered in ink blots and various stains.]

December 18th, 1963

I forgot about the journal this time. Uh oh...

Catching this little book to speed, things have calmed. I am okay. I only remembered this journal when Robert asked me about my writing gig I bought the typewriter for- I told him? Apparently. I haven't done any much writing after the last entry- I simply felt bleak after that meltdown.

I was repeatedly stabbing the book, had a horrid migraine, and uncontrollably crying while sipping coffee. Robert took me to his home when he found me like that, I really did not want to be in my house at the moment. I was so embarrassed I was all over the place emotionally really. He gave me some Tylenol and a cozy blanket to let me stay as long as I needed- We're both lucky. If I call in sick, he doesn't have to go to work. A free vacation!
Let me tell you though, the amount of times Robert had to shake me awake for the two months I stayed there you would've thought I was dead!

Oh... It was nice... Robert is a great cook, I felt at peace for a while. I might really be in love here, I doubt he feels the same though- He could possibly. He has to definitely confess first I will absolutely cock it up, haha.

Really can't forget when he caressed my face when I had another migraine. I hope he didn't notice my red face (... Probably did).

For the rest of the time? I was working, upping coffee, barely writing a word on my typewriter. Everything besides the times with Robert are blurred together, it's all mundane. If I had to be honest, I think that effect my coworkers told me about is starting to settle in... They should have said something earlier though.

June 3rd, 1964

I need to stop hiding the journal! I have so many thoughts I want to write and then I forget once I start looking for this. Why am I even hiding these? Did something happen?

I am writing from the hospital- Robert brought me some stuff from my house. I passed out in the streets today completely uncalled for. Last thing I remember is Robert telling me about the stuff his sister's been doing lately, seems like she is having the time of her life participating in horse riding competitions and winning with a horse she calls her daughter, Bethany- then it all went dark.

The doctor disclosed that my heart stopped beating momentarily and it rendered me unconscious. Robert looked traumatised after hearing that- I felt like a hot pile of shit waking up but I have to ask why did my heart just... Stop? What went wrong??? Yes I did feel heartburn oncoming a little bit before I left home this morning, doesn't sitting down help though? I sat with Robert at a local restaurant on break. Odd.

I got prescribed heart medication and time off work too, yet Robert keeps freaking out. He keeps rambling nonsense to me- leftover panic spilling out if I had to guess. As I write, he is on the telephone with Catherine, I asked him to in hopes it will calm Rob down. Not able to see out there, it's working I believe? I'm worried for him as he is me.

I'll ask him to drive me home later, he has a nice motorcycle I have never been on... Actually what did he use to get me here? Running on foot? Now I know why he's so built.

January 1st, 1935

Happy new year. Had a heart attack in the middle of the night and in the ER. Have a headache... Boss is going to be mad. Fuck me I shouldn't have gone to the work party without taking my medicine.

[The rest of the page and next three are illegible scribble.]

September 29th, 1935

Today's my birthday! I'm 30 now- can you believe it? I cannot, ha! Oh this morning was nuts! I woke up with grey hairs, and the front desk lady, Katie, made me think I was turning out late for a meeting. No sir- they actually had a surprised birthday party for me! God I'm so giddy!

When I walked into the meeting room it was pitch black, I couldn't see a bloody thing! I saw something shiny however so I walk up to it- Next thing I know my face is slammed into the table. Robert was there, missed the cake, and he was excessively apologising to me- Well I was mad until I saw who it was! That stunning man, of course.

After the party he took me to his favourite diner because he felt bad about bashing my noodle right into that wooden desk- I reassure Robert, I was not angry a tad! Enjoyed a great dinner with him before we parted ways. Night writing always brings the words out of me, doesn't it? I should be sleeping- 23 o'clock- but I'm just so... Energetic! I feel alive!

Oh I almost forget- Katie actually got me a fabulous deep red cardigan- fits just right and looks pretty on me. Downside she said that "she didn't know if I had anything more than 6 button-ups and 5 sweaters"- still, such a great addition. I'm very thankful for it!

April 5th, 1966

Robert's been acting odd lately, he's been offering to drive me home on his motorcycle gifting me coffee from my favourite shop every morning, hugs every morning... It isn't necessarily weird but sure unusual for him! I appreciate though, stopped being able to colour and cut my own hair for a good while now, started going to a barber. I typically walked home however I have been stumbling down the stairs for weeks now- miracle I have not fallen flat on my face.

Been having bad heartburn lately, though I was assured it was just age by the doctors. I'm quite skeptical about that, regardless the fact that Robert and I are friends to this degree is comforting;

As envious as I am that he is perfectly healthy besides a few sick days, he always visits me weekly in the morning and helps me around- tidying up the place and getting me breakfast. It made me realised I hadn't had an actual breakfast in years, I mostly just ate some beans on well-toasted bread and went to work. Robert's amazing at his craft- why didn't he get a culinary degree and work in a kitchen?

Besides the point, I was re-reading some old entries and I really did forget how much I fall for Rob, I ended up back at square one where I didn't know what I was feeling around him! I have been forgetting more often lately... That's worrying, yes. The company still refers to me as their best employee so I must still be doing everything right despite what is becoming increasingly wrong.

Page Two
18:10

Got a call from Catherine funny enough. She was calling because the phone number on the fax her brother sent was my number instead of his, wanted to check in on him and make sure he was okay.

We had a lovely chat and was told some very embarrassing memories she has of Robert. Felt like a high schooler listening to all of it- Personal favourite just HAS to be when he was in middle school playing with an ink cartridge and it broke- Spilling everything over him, Robert and Catherine were sent to the nurses office in an instant. If I had to be honest, I think I can still see a little pure black from that ink in his hair when he has his head down.

Although, she did ask me a strange question, has Robert ever kissed you? I'm confused so I tell her no, she goes on to hint at something that I'm still trying to process... What does she mean by "You should absolutely let him next visit, it's tradition over here in the U.S. between friends"? Is that true, even?

It would explain why he'd always try inching a little closer when we meet up or depart after work, something just feels lie-ish to me. Eh, I could try, a little kiss from your friend never really hurts. I just wished it was a romantic kiss...

September 29th, 1967

It's my 32nd birthday. Robert requested I took the day off, he had a surprise for me; I agreed and came over to his place, where he had a cake and a dark mocha for me. I was super happy! I could tell it was made from scratch because the frosting was all the ways mardy. Robert also got me a small gift- it was a romance book. He knows I love myself some badly written love stories.

Robert did also want to watch a couple of movies with me, so we did, and he put his arm around me... Does he actually love me too or am I just crazy? My heart is fluttering! We do have a Halloween party upcoming in October so I will try to ask directly for a date... I must have be dreaming there was no way. We just have to see...

Why can't he just be mine?

October 30th, 1967

5:00
It's a day before the Halloween party at my job, a week before I ask Robert out on a real date... I am so bloody nervous. I should calm down, last time my heart rate went too high I nearly lost consciousness... I have got to keep my cool. Hopefully Robert doesn't mind the fact I was waking up at random times in the night because I wasn't breathing, and was desperately trying to catch my breath- He likes to ask how I slept last night after I had a heart attack in the dead hours. He doesn't see me as a lot to deal with, right?

8:32
Wait, I was going to confess to Robert next week? I don't remember that... I am forgetting aren't I, oh god... Hopefully I do it right, I will be so mad if I forget during the party won't I? I am out getting a haircut right now, might practice in my head?

November 6th, 1967

"Hello Robert Wilson, this is Star's 'N Bargin Staffing Department. Last week we had gotten news that your co-worker, Michael Gordon, had passed away from cardiac arrest on October 30th, 1967.

We have taken upon ourselves to inform you now that the paperwork has been updated, you have two options. You can either take up work with another person in the Sales Department, or quit your job

It is understood how jarring that is, however we when we were mailed about this event you were the emergency contact for Mr. Gordon ever since 1961. We wish to play by the rules and keep our Sales-Delivery Absence policy intact for this has never happened prior.

You have until the end of the year to decide.

Our coincidences,

Star's 'N Bargin"