Fell in love too late

May 7th, 1960

Hey, Cath! You remember that job offer I took? Well... I got it! A job as a delivery man in Britain! Putting that strength dad always told me we had to good use, no?

I even get to work with this guy named Michael Gordon. He seems sweet, a little nerve-racked but a nice man. Hear this though- he's a real city boy! Never worked a day of his life in the country. Good for him I hated when that damn pig vomited its food all over me. First couple of days working with him and I feel at ease, no stress for any arguments or that stuff I was fearing in past letters.

--- Your brother, Robert W.

September 6th, 1960

Hey Catherine, it's your bro again; I'm just writing because guess who's getting a lingo lesson these past few months. Michael's british, remember? Well I was showing him some of our old pictures- First horse ride together, I got hay spilled all over me, that turkey that chased us one day- He was laughing and poking fun at me just like you would when he said "Your sister is definitely the corker compared to you, huh?" so I ask him what that means and he practically stated I suck and you are cool. Haha, call me jealous- but everyone thinks you are the better sibling. Nothing wrong with that but am I that messy of a person? You've got to tell me!

--- Robert W.

February 8th, 1961

Dear Catherine,

I won't be able to mail you for a while. Michael broke into pieces, I had to take him to my place since he refuses to step foot in his for now. God, he was sobbing and looked like a mess when I came into the break room.

Good chance Michael is just stressed, we've been getting called to delivery something together while we are trying to do the selling part of the job every hour for the past couple of weeks. He's the face and I'm his assistant, I can only assume it's all suppressed emotions.

I want to take care of him for the time being- more specific until he's comfortable to go back to his house.

Feel free to send anything in the meanwhile, I know this is a worrying letter.

Robert Wilson

July 4th, 1963

Catherine!

Sorry I did not mail you for two years straight! I was spending the two months after I wrote that to Mike, more importantly I was really fucking scared for those years, I apologise if you thought I fully cut contact!

Michael during that time was cuddly, he wanted to be around me at all times and was awkwardly looking away when I tried making eye contact with him. Damn, I tell you, he was red in the face every time I leaned over him trying to wake him up. I think he likes my presence- with anybody else he appeared more sad, less interested- With me? He's alive, sis! Giggly, eyes shining, more confident... Mike just seems generally happier- Do you think I'm the corker in his eyes now? Hahaha!

One thing has me concerned though- Michael has been only drinking coffee ever since he went back to his residence. Kept saying he's trying to "expose himself to coffee, want to fit in with the rest of the Sales Department"... Scratching my head trying to figure out why- I don't drink caffeine, do the high and mighty up there only drink adrenaline in paper cup, seeing him as the odd one out?

He should be okay though, we have been hanging out a ton lately to where I convince him to drink something else like a nice glass of water- you know, implying he doesn't need to be a freak for coffee to fit in anywhere.

P.S. Congratulation on winning that race with Bethany! Loving the pictures, I am so proud of you sis! Happy 4th of July!

R.W.

June 16th, 1964

Hey Catherine,

I know that call from the 3rd was strange. I was mumbling nonsense, "I will SHIT my pants..." You recall? The reason for that is Michael had a heart attack while we were heading to another house for work. I was talking to him about the cool stuff you are up to, then he dropped to the floor. I was horrified I ran to the hospital as fast as I could.

MY HEART WAS RACING, CATHERINE! After Michael woke up the doctor went on about how his heart just... Stopped. It halted bumping blood. Mike is on heart medication now, I was still losing it so he essentially forced me to call you so I would calm down and speak normally- Speaking to you on the telephone did help, happy to hear from my sister after a couple of months of you in Michigan- How's Beth? Is she okay?

What you said in a past letter- Michael being interested in me romantically- No way that's true, he might have been snuggling me like a lover sometimes but he does not seem to want me as his boyfriend based off how much he insisted I called you.

Well- I wouldn't be against being his partner if I was offered... Seems unlikely, you picking up what I'm putting down here?

I regret using pens I didn't finish the whole Michael being clingy and snuggly thing- I was driving him home on my badass new motorcycle, he did say he never drove on one before- although I was surprised how tightly he was holding me when I kicked it off. Any tighter and I would have thought he was going to suplex me. I don't doubt he could, he did work in the delivery department too before being promoted. He's just skinny I think.

He knows how to hold someone that is for sure; Came off like tape after we got to his place!

R.W.

January 9th, 1965

Catherine,

I'm starting to worry for Michael. He had a heart attack on New Years, called me for help, we were in the ER for hours and hours it felt like years. I hope by the time this gets to you he is perfectly fine. Writing this after I got back. I don't know what happened, trembling with fear is all I have to say.

You're alright too?

R.W.

October 10th, 1965

Cath,

When you receive this letter it'll be WAY past but I have to tell you about Michael's birthday- Why? Nearly murdered him. NOT INTENTIONALLY- Decked his face into the table due to the room being dark as midnight.

I missed the cake he was supposed to be slammed into... At least we all got two cakes from that... Took Michael out to Mick's Diner, my favourite- Glad they have a chain over here in the UK or I would have gone mad! Michael isn't angry with me, however he keeps giving that "I'm not mad, just do not do that again" lover kind of look- I'm not sure about my statement he isn't interested in me anymore- Neither am I about being straight. You may have been right about us being a couple without actually dating. Still questioning though, I don't want to break his heart if I am wrong about being a homosexual.

P.S. See the cardigan he's wearing in the picture (that I pray didn't get lost in the mail)? I think it's pretty cute on him, what do you think? He got it as a birthday gift from that front desk lady.

R.W.

March 12th, 1966

Catherine,

We've got a problem. I am in love with Michael. You were right. You've GOT to help me how do I tell him I'm into dating him without directly saying it- or should I at all? I have no idea my feelings are clustered right now, I'm writing with toothpaste still in my mouth- This is a little urgent sis!!!

You know dating right??? Don't you have a date coming up? Help your brother out, please!

He's a homo, your twin brother is a homosexual! He needs an advice on literally everything dating!!! I admit it all! Out of the closet!

DON'T TELL HIM PLEASE,
R.W.

[An excerpt from Catherine's reply]

Dear my brother, Robert,

"I KNEW IT SINCE THE DAY YOU WERE BORN! YOU WERE A HOMOSEXUAL, HAHA! Oh, I just knew he was perfect for you when you said he was a city boy back in 1960.

I don't know Michael as well as you since I'm here in the U.S. and you both are in the the U.K., have you tried giving him gifts at all? Could be a bad idea but what about morning coffee? That writing dream you mentioned? Why not a notebook.

Tried hugging more- I know you hate it, though considering that two months you spent together Michael must love them! You have loads of options, really. All depends if you go for it."

December 19th, 1967

Catherine, this is a weird question- Do you still live where we grew up? This letter I recieve probably explains it better than I can. I don't think I can stay in Britian anymore.

[Catherine's reply]

Jesus... I'm so sorry, Robert... Sorry you didn't get to date Michael... I don't live at our childhood house anymore, I will come over there and help pack your stuff. You can live with me.

I know it's hard,

Catherine.

An Elegy to a lover.

Gordon,

I'm sorry I had not noticed sooner,

Before you started to break,

Before we were running in the lunar,

You're no longer awake.

Gordon,

I miss you,

I could have kissed you,

We snuggled on together close and warm,

Soulmates since we were born.

Gordon,

I never liked writing much- you know that well,

Yet I crafted this for you,

Writing was your favourite craft to dwell,

I wish we could have bloomed.

Gordon,

You were all I could ever ask for,

You stopped making things a bore,

I hope Heaven accepted you in, you were a star,

There won't be any bars.

Gordon,

I lay in bed,

Thinking about you,

I will try to visit,

Especially when I join the sky.